How To Spend Your Vacation Blogging
Tuesday, June 09th, 2009 | Author: Beamer
  1. Step 1

    Hit the time clock at your job and head home. Your 9 Day Vacation/Blog-a-thon starts NOW!

    Stop at the grocery store on your way home and pick up the following essentials:
    Bread, Peanut Butter, Jelly, Chips, Coffee, Cream and Sugar, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Cigarettes, Microwave Popcorn, Water, Toilet Paper, and Dog Treats. Make sure you get enough of everything to last you a week or 9 days, depending on how many vacation days you managed to finagle. Don’t waste your money steaks or salmon or anything you have to cook. You won’t make the time for it and you’ll just have to throw it away when it outdates. Trust me on this. My dumpster has seen more real food than I have this week.

  2. Step 2

    As soon as you get home, take the dog out. It will probably be the last time you two see daylight. Make it an extra long walk this time so you won’t feel guilty later on when he’s lying at your feet, almost comatose from kidney failure.

  3. Step 3

    Make you first of many pots of coffee, empty the ashtray, pull up a chair and start blogging! You have 3 blogs to work, 2 blogs to start and you haven’t submitted anything to eHow or any other site yet. This is going to be a busy week!

  4. Step 4

    Don’t go to bed! If you do, you’ll just sleep later than you wanted and any time spent away from your blogs is time down the drain! You can occasionally nod off at your computer, but this is why I said to buy enough coffee to get you through 9 days!

  5. Step 5

    Run to the c-store for more cigarettes. You didn’t get enough, did you? I warned you! And don’t go to the grocery store to get them. You’ll waste too much time in line and you’ll just be tempted to buy something you’ll have to cook. If you need more food, get it at the C-store with your cigarettes. And if you really feel you need something that’s been cooked, they have hot dogs! Get one for your dog, too.

  6. Step 6

    Take your dog for a 10 minute walk twice a day. It doesn’t matter what time. I take my dog out at about 4 PM and again at 8 PM. Any more than that and he starts to think I owe it to him. Give him a cookie, scratch his ears and get back to work. 20 minutes of walking is enough for any human!

  7. Step 7

    On Day 9 of your Vacation/Blog-a-thon, do everything you had been putting of until vacation. Do the laundry, put all your coffee cups in the dishwasher, run the vacuum, throw away the newspapers you never read, pay your bills, take you dog for a good, long walk, sit in the sun for awhile with a good book….yeah, riiiiiight…who am I kidding! Don’t waste time doing ANY of that stuff! You have a whole day of blogging left! Get to it!

Tips & Warnings
  • Day One through Eight – Keep the coffee pot full! This is actually the way I tell time and keep to a schedule. It takes me approximately 2 hours – give or take – to go through a pot of coffee. You want to have your coffee pot as close to your work area as possible so you can avoid any unnecessary movement and so you can see it at all times. When I look up and the pot is empty, that means it’s time to move onto my next task – either the next blog or the next article, or the next Tweet, whatever.
  • Each time you make a new pot of coffee, hit the bathroom! That way you don’t have to get up as often. Also, empty the ashtray, make sure you have cigarettes, scratch your dog behind the ears and give him a cookie, check the printer paper, and make sure there are chips or cookies handy.
  • By the time all that is done, the next pot of coffee should be ready. Fill your cup and sit back down. You’re on a roll with your new blog and you don’t have time to take the dog out right now!
  • On Days 3 and 6, take a shower. It will wake you up and your dog will thank you for it. Don’t worry about shaving or makeup. No one else is going to see you because you’ll be facing your computer all week.
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