So here it is.  Just when I thought I’d never find another Fumble.  Only five minutes into Stumbling today and I land on this blog – ZeroSexLife.com – Just A Guy Trying To Get Laid. As soon as I saw the Blog Title, I knew this was going to be the next Stumbe Rumba Fumble!

This blog, written by a guy named Mike who lives in L.A., is just really infuriating!

Mike admits that,

I am a pathetic loser begging strangers on the internet for sex or cash to help me get sex.

and this, too,

I am only willing to degrade myself like this because I am desperate and out of options. I am overweight, balding, poor, desperate, lonely, and all that aside I’m still not all that attractive.

After reading his Home Page and seeing that his goal is to see how much money he can con people into donating to help support his lazy butt so he can date hot chicks without ever having to actually get a job and earn some of his own money, I was almost tempted to click off and go poke my eyes out.

But then, I remembered it had been awhile since I found a really good Fumble, so I continued to read.  After I made a phone call to my optometrist.

This guy should have the word P-I-G emblazoned on his forehead!

It’s not that he doesn’t meet any girls.  He seems to meet plenty in the few posts I’ve read.  And believe me, I’m reading as few as possible!

Here are some of the lovely, descriptive phrases he uses for the women he meets:

This girl easily weighed at least sixty pounds more than I do, and I’m not the smallest guy around. Her arm was wider than my thigh. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve only really had one girlfriend and she wasn’t going to win any beauty contests. Being not all that attractive myself I don’t mind a girl who’s slightly below average or has a few extra pounds. What I do mind are the girls who think that just because I’m no model myself that I’d want to get it on with a girl that had to have Oprah’s help to get out of the house.

And in this quote, at least he admits he’s not the best looker on the planet, but, again, look how he describes the woman:

She smiles but I can tell she’s disappointed. She undoubtedly went through dozens of pictures to find the one that made her look a little closer to human than the oily husk she parades around in, as did I.

In his FAQ section, he states that the reason he asks for money on this blog is so he can buy nice clothes and rent a flashy car to impress the women he meets at bars.

If you got some real cash donated what would you do with it?
Whether I got five dollars or five hundred dollars I would try the same thing on a different scale. Five bucks would pay half the cover at a crappy bar, or buy a beer. If I had five hundred dollars I would be able to buy some new threads, rent a Porsche, and go to a posh high class L.A. night club and try to take a budding actress or model back to her place.

He could even afford to go to more expensive bars to meet better looking women!  Ugh!  I can barely stand writing about this jerk!

The one saving post of this whole blog is one where he’s actually dumped by a girl he meets at the laundromat.  Why?  Why would she even think of dumping him?

Because – SHE READ HIS STUPID BLOG!